We were caught in a void that seemed unavoidable. Since it seemed that way, it was. It took over everything; my body, my mind, my overall well-being. Sometimes, if I was ever lucky enough, I was able to cling a veil of joy onto myself. No one would ever think to look twice my way and question my motives, my sincerity.
But he knew me too well. Better than I knew myself, in just four months.
There was no denying it. There was no point in putting on a show for the whole crowd to see when I didn’t even want him in range of me. I knew I was only lying through my teeth. He knew he wasn’t wanted, not exactly at the moment. Not with a week of deciding our future for the both of us, and both of our opinions not exactly complementing each other’s.
However, if interceptions were attempted, we wouldn’t know how to move on from them. So nothing was said or questioned, even though it was pondered. Quite frequently pondered.
At the end of the day, I was satisfied with the decision I had come to terms with.
At least that’s what I was repeating to myself, because I didn’t believe it for a second.
Even though we both went against the inevitable; challenged and abandoned it, it was no use. The grim reaper of enjoyment chased us down and knocked on our door, declaring our time ran out.
He reassured me that he knew it was for the best, but I knew better than to believe that sly grin. I knew what was behind the closed doors of his rough exterior. To tell you the truth, he might take this worse than me.
Unfortunately, there was only one way to find out. And neither of us, hopefully, would go through the agony of seeing the others repercussions.
“We’re still going to annoy each other, you know,” Josh told me with a grin.
I giggled and nodded slightly, “I’ll be around long enough to suffer through it.”
There was an awkward silence between us that I wasn’t too sure how to break, simply because for a while, one of these silence’s was nonexistent in our relationship. Now, the only thing I could think about was how I’d recover days after our split.
“Come here,” Josh commanded, waving his hand over.
I planted my feet on the ground from where I sat on that desk and made my way towards him. He backed his chair up and welcomed me on his lap, and wrapped his arms around my middle tightly.
My hands lightly placed themselves on the nape of his neck as he said, “Don’t talk and kiss me.”
“That’s not a problem.”
“No,” He insisted, “Don’t talk. At all. Just kiss me, transfer all your emotions into the kiss that you can’t put into words. I want to feel every inch of you that I possibly can.”
“But to feel every inch of me, we have to be nude.”
A devilish and suggestive smile played across his lips, “I guess I’ll have to make that promise then. Later tonight.”
Without any more words, I did as he requested. And hell, did I fulfill his desires.
Hell knows Josh is more intuitive than the regular person. He can look into your eyes and already know all the secrets dying to make an escape, but fearful of the outcome they may bring of chasing someone away. But I didn’t know if everything I would translate to him with my tongue and lips was everything he was willing to discover.
First, there was anger and hunger. Anger for him letting me decide our fate to part ways after tonight of one more time together. One more time to get a taste of every inch of his body and then I’d walk away, without a turn of my head or flick of my eyes. Hunger for him because he tasted so good. His mint breath and natural scent mixed with his taste was so delicious and clashed perfectly with my own senses that it overwhelmed my nostrils and tongue. He knew everything he was doing to me, and the swipe of my tongue on his bottom lip and tongue couldn’t possibly explain my satisfaction from it all.
Then, there was excitement and love. Excitement because every time he touched me, kissed me, fucked me, and from the last time we were together, made love to me, a new sense of belonging made my stomach propel in circles. A new feeling that I never knew existed was discovered and imprinted in my brain like footsteps in mud. I wanted to discover more with him. Love because aside from the sex and the arousal he could awaken from inside of me effortlessly, talking to him seemed so easy. Opening up and releasing my demons so they didn’t cling on seemed so easy, and it was with his massaging of my fists and releasing the cold fingers that I found I was actually able to love him.
I couldn’t tell if he felt everything I was silently yelling at him, everything I was pleading for him to understand. All I wanted was these kisses, these gestures to make him change his mind and perhaps come up with a better solution that could satisfy us both.
But I never had the pleasure of being that lucky. Only lucky enough to love someone as amazing as him that I didn’t deserve any ounce of it.
And then unfortunately, our lips broke away and our eyes fluttered open to meet each other half way for the first time in what seemed like hours. Which it could’ve been, but I never noticed. Josh had a way of making time pause when I was around him.
My right thumb grazed his bottom lip. He kissed it, gazing up to me with eyes that you couldn’t deny the access to the most sacred place of your soul.
“I think I’ve found everything I need to know,” He whispered, never fluttering his eyes away.
My forehead dipped down to press against his, “What did you find?”
“Greed,” He snorted, making me smile, “Maybe some wrath. Perhaps lust.”
Just one more, “What else?”
“I want to hear you say it.”
The word tumbled off my lips slowly, “Love.”
“Mhmm,” He purred closing his eyes and kissing me again, seeming to know right where my lips were, “Four of our seven deadly sins.”
He applied pressure lightly, and right when I was about to tilt my head and part his lips, he broke away. Now, he couldn’t take his eyes off of me.
“You’re the most perceptive person I’ve met,” I said, pushing some hair off his forehead.
“I could say the same about you,” He chuckled, “No wonder we’re a match made in heaven.”
“Josh,” I whined, “It’s when you say things like this that make it more difficult to let you go.”
“I don’t want you to ever forget me.”
“Seriously,” I rolled my eyes at his playful tone, “I’m not kidding. We agreed on something and I’m not backing out of my decision. I didn’t just fight for days over this for nothing.”
I know what he wanted to ask. It was at the tip of his tongue. His firm lips pressed in a line and curious eyes searching my face gave it away. I could break into a million shards of glass if I heard it.
Why aren’t you still fighting?
The answer was simple; I was saving myself from being hurt.
“Okay,” He dismissed, with the corners of his lips still raised, “But I’ll always love you. And I’m not going to hide that.”
Of course he wouldn’t, “I’m not either.”
I remained in his lap for five more minutes, kissing him and giggling whenever we made goofy faces at each other. He loved making me giggle. I remembered that he told me hearing my giggle made him smile, and indeed, it did. Perhaps he wanted to smile to cover up the pain hidden beneath his eyes.
It was noticeable even with his smile.
It was still too cold for outdoor activities, with snow finally cascading on the ground with the quietest of all plummets. I figured we’d gone everywhere we could to get privacy.
But then something popped in my head. And once I told Kara about it, I huffed out a sigh because I knew I couldn’t afford all of it, but she reminded me that I have financial aid. That I barely spend money on myself and that it’s time to pull some out for this ‘emergency’ of sorts. So like the person I’ve always been in this friendship, I tagged along and let her direct me into the right direction. But once I had the money and the complete control behind the panel, it was all up to me.
I picked it up Josh from his apartment at 7pm, and figured it’d take us a little over a half hour to get to the Hilton Garden Inn, since he lived outside of downtown Indi. While he talked on and on about this episode of that strangest addiction crap where this guy was in a relationship with ten different floatie animals (I swear this is where Josh gets his crazy from), I count down the list of things I have. The money for parking, the suite already being paid for in advance, the food I had set up with my camera dropped off, and my portfolio in my purse was all checked off.
The only thing was to make sure Josh was surprised. And when I pulled into the parking lot, his eyes already wandered with fascination and confusion.
Our fingers laced together, but his fingers were stunningly cold and rigid as we walked towards the entrance with our bags, “You okay?”
He licked his lips, and I saw his face contort for a short second before asking, “Just please tell me you got a suite?”
“Yes, I did.”
He sighed softly out of relief and nodded, “Okay.”
We stopped in the lobby, him taking in the scenery of the place. He smiled and looked down at me, his award winning expression instantly relieving my building anxiety. Josh could be an actor, really, with how much he’s able to turn on the charm so effortlessly and able to make you believe every word that forms on his lips. I got lost in my thoughts briefly, but he pulled me back in as he explained, “Angela took me here on numerous occasions for ‘fine dining and service’. I just got a little mad, that’s all. But being here with you makes it so much better.”
I grinned and felt my cheeks heat up. I called in our reservation at the front desk and got our room key, Josh being a little confused when I turned down his offer to pay once he realized I paid it off already. We road in the elevator, still hand in hand, when I said, “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you where I was taking you instead of trying to surprise you.”
Josh gripped my chin with his fingers softly but with a firm hold, and tilted his head to kiss my lips. The softness of the contact instantly weakened my knees, and I reached out to the side of me to avoid losing my balance. He had a habit of making me do that effortlessly.
He broke away and smiled, swiping my bottom lip with his thumb, “Trust me, you’ve surprised me and I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done already.”
The elevator doors open for our departure. Our hands only break away as I fumbled with our room key and started unlocking the knob once we found our room, “Well, don’t be too surprised. This night is only beginning.”
Josh swatted my ass playfully to get me inside. I giggled and was about to scold him jokingly, but he was too busy looking around the suite. He was taking in the fresh fumes, the classy interior, and the fountain of melted chocolate running on the table next to the couch.
He settled his bag down beside the bed and headed towards the table. His hand swiped right through the cascading chocolate, and he licked his fingers without a care for his manners. I slapped his arm as I approached him, “That’s not all for you!”
“Then who could it be for?” He asked incredulously, licking his fingers clean and sighing at the taste.
I rolled my eyes and said, “Get naked and find out.”
His eyes widened, caught off guard but very intrigued. Giving him blunt hints would for sure keep him on his toes and make my surprise fall through.
“I hope all the things running through my mind are exactly the thoughts racing through yours.”
My head shook as I started unzipping his leather jacket, easing the sleeves off of his shoulders, “I don’t think all of them are…but the sooner you strip, the sooner we’ll know.”
And thankfully, yet unsurprisingly, as I went to the table to ready my camera, he was bare and lay out on the bed when I turned around. His hands tucked under his head as he observed me, and they never left my eyes, even as my clothing flew down beside me.
“We’re going to add photos to the portfolio,” I stated, turning around with my camera in my hands, watching Josh’s eyes wander elsewhere.
“I didn’t know you were into the pornography style.”
A giggle found its way out of me as I continued and stopped at the foot of the bed, “Get up. I have an idea.”
The task at hand almost got lost as my eyes sinfully looked down south. His erection was evident, along with the wobble it did with each step he took. My thighs ached, my tongue dried, and all sense was lost as I found my hand holding it captive when he was standing right next to me, looking down at me with such a deep desire that it seared holes within my being.
With his head tilted back, with his groan drawling out in such a deep and dangerous tone, I began speaking again, “We’re going to draw words on each other’s bodies and lick them off of each other.”
“Somehow,” He intercepted uneasily, meeting my eyes as he gripped my wrist and peeled my hand off of him, “I imagined the chocolate being somewhere else on your body…”
“We’ll get there, but right now, I want to do this for the photos.”
Josh grinned, “Ahh, I see. Who’s getting used as your canvas first?”
“You. Have to get a visual and reassurance that this idea isn’t completely insane.”
I poked my finger through the waterfall of cascading chocolate and starting writing out the word on his chest. Once I started doing work of his abs, Josh peeked down but couldn’t decipher the letters I was mapping out. He laughed and said, “What’s this about my cock?”
My hand shook as I laughed and slapped his bare hip, “Shut up and let me finish!”
Once I was done, I licked the chocolate off my finger, knowing how much he loved that visual. I laid him on the bed, positioning his body in the right position of his hands behind his head and one leg slightly bent while the other laid out straight, and began snapping away until I got just the right photo.
“Alright,” I said sitting beside him, “Take a look.”
He snorted immediately after he took a glimpse, “I guess the label ‘Cocky Bastard’ is pretty fitting.”
“Which photo did you like best?”
“All of them. I can never take a bad picture.”
“Then I’ll go with the one of you sticking out your tongue.”
He set aside my hair over my right shoulder, and me not hesitating to lick off the contents. His body tightened beneath me as my tongue flicked teasingly at his flesh, mixing in his scent and saltiness and hair. I wanted to bring my tongue lower, and I knew he wouldn’t object. But it was his turn to be the boss of this shoot, “Your turn.”
When his arm wrapped around my waist and brought me to the fountain, I didn’t feel his desire, but his hunger and warmth envelop me. Not the physical hunger and warmth, but the hunger and warmth that came from the heart and made you feel. I felt it also when he started tracing the chocolate on my skin, being ever so delicate while licking the excess flavor that failed to meet my skin. At first, I tried to guess what he was printing out, but I got so lost in his touch that even focusing on standing without swaying was a difficult task.
He led me to the bed with his hand on my back guiding me, and I made sure I put on a show. I played with my hair as it lay out on the pillow. My legs crossed and my hands concealed my breasts, as he instructed me to do. After just six frames, he smiled at his results and showed me the picture without comment.
Written on my stomach was “I love you”.
A big weight in my stomach dropped, and I feared that it didn’t mean anything good. But when he smiled at me, softly and deeply that it seemed he was lost in one of his fantasies, it was nothing to be questioned or doubted.
He put the camera down and devoured the chocolate on my stomach, licking the letters off and kissing my flesh while dragging his lips. I moaned and sighed, already feeling the tingling under my flesh run laps in nonsensical patterns. But it was when he teased me, kissing my throbbing, glistening sex that I felt myself scream out in pleasure, the sensations of everything already proving to be guaranteed satisfaction.
“Please,” I pleaded, rising my hips into his face.
He flicked his tongue against my nub, moaning at the taste, “Please what?”
“Make me come, Josh,” I said, looking in his eyes and lacing my fingers through his hair.
“Mhmmm,” He hummed, grinning and getting up from the bed, “I have a better idea.”
As soon as I had the intention of forcing his face in between my legs and devouring my want that was already evident, he pushed me aside and lay in the middle of bed. He gestured towards the chocolate and demanded, “Get some chocolate in a bowl.”
I felt his eyes on me shamelessly as I completed the task of putting melted chocolate into a bowl beside the fountain. His eyes never strayed from my right hand as I walked towards and towered over him on the bed, dipping my finger into the bowl and swirling melted chocolate around my right nipple.
The gasp escaped my lips as I felt his head adjust so that my nipple was captured in between his lips. He sucked hard, licking the supple flesh thoroughly and satisfyingly before breaking away and demanding eye contact with me as he gripped my chin. His eyes were practically black in the lighting of the room.
“You’re so sexy on top,” He whispered, his lips only an inch from mine to speak, “You’d look even sexier sitting on my face.”
The pleasure pumping through my veins screamed to fulfill this request. It was all I could do to contain my moan and whisper back, “I think we need proof of this.”
He kissed my lips, hard and feverishly. I gasped as he adjusted his parted lips to fit more of my tongue between his. The taste of chocolate landed on my taste buds as our tongues exchanged contact. I couldn’t decide if I loved that taste more, or the way he kissed me, like it was going to be his last time.
I crawled up and waited impatiently for him to ‘ready’ himself. Such a tease Josh was. Blowing air softly on my nub and making me shutter. Gripping my right thigh and dipping his nails into my flesh to keep me there. Glancing up at me, intently watching me watch him.
The moment when he watched me, I didn’t even notice his hands dive in the bowl and trace lines up and down my clit. I moaned softly, barely audible as I looked down. His tongue raced up and down, getting the taste of myself and chocolate onto him. He moaned, grinning devilishly up at me.
“Hold my hand,” He demanded huskily.
Without instruction, I put the bowl down on the table beside the bed, ready to comply with his request. The fingers of my left hand interlaced with his right one. He held on so tightly with a grip that questioned just how much strength he had. My revenge of grinding in his face and teasing him backfired. He just dove in, licking my clit three times; agonizingly slow that I thought I would burst into flames from sexual frustration and the sensational pleasure that accompanied his touches.
His lips were on my nub, sucking and slurping while his tongue pressed against it and ran circles around, before I could look down at him and feel the vibrations of his own noises escaping him. My head whipped back as I cried out, giving him my approval for more.
My right hand gripped the head board, turning my knuckles white not even a minute into Josh’s assault. He worked my nub, making me wetter effortlessly. At first, I attempted to restrain my legs from bucking in every which way. I soon found it was no use, with every action he performed deeming to send waves of adrenaline through my limbs.
My back curved, my chest pressing into the open air with nothing to push against, except bringing my hips down to his face. I was clawing at already two things to hang on, to experience this with Josh, but nothing prepared me for what he was doing that drove me that much closer to climaxing.
His eyes opened sometimes to gaze up at me, but closed once he rolled his eyes in ecstasy. He gripped my thigh, pinning it down rougher and moaning against my wet folds, his nose nuzzling my nub lightly while his tongue circled around my entrance.
Even though he’d done it before, shoved his tongue up my entrance and lap up the juices he was producing out of me or that climax he caused, it still felt that much more amazing each time he performed this. His tongue ran up my slit, returning to my nub and now flicking it with a speed that was relentless, and I was sure to burst within any second.
The pleas of his name and the moans of responses were frequent. That’s when he asked, his lips still against my dripping clit, “You like this?”
“Don’t stop,” I practically screamed in response.
He smiled and returned back to sucking me to my end. I started gripping his hand harder now, finding both of our knuckles to lose circulation and that we both didn’t mind the slightest bit.
Suddenly, he entered two fingers inside of me, locating my most sensitive wall and rubbing against it. I rode against his hand, my neck straining my head while leaning back, my eyes shutting from glancing all over the ceiling.
“Josh,” I moaned, “You’re gonna make me scream.”
“Scream,” He growled, sucking my nub and entering his fingers at an unnatural speed, “And come all over my fucking face.”
Of course, he never disappointed.
His tongue flicked my nub so fast and hard, while his fingers stretched and entered me. You could hear my arousal dampen his fingers and enter me faster, harder. Somewhere in between gripping the head board, me and him both moaning each other’s names like a chant did I come, decorating his face in my climax and him smiling widely against me.
With each time my orgasm rocked my body, I ground against his face and gripped his hand harder than I ever had, screaming, “Fuck Josh, oh my god.” Each syllable, each scream reached a new pitch I didn’t know was capable of doing so. Josh’s continuing actions of pulsing in and out of me and licking up the juices that leaked out proved he didn’t plan on halting until I was completely spent.
I broke my hand away from his, gripped a fistful of his hair, and panted heavily. I stared into his eyes, feeling my body climb down from its high and return to normal. The smile on his face stayed and never wavered. Not as he licked his lips and fingers and moaned, not when he licked up my orgasm and moaned again, and not when he adjusted me to lie on top of him and tuck my hair behind my ears.
“Eleanor,” Josh said softly, cradling my cheek with his palm, “Please don’t leave.”
“Of course not,” I shook my head softly, “I’m staying here all night. There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”
This time when I kissed him, it wasn’t to taste myself and continue on our night, even though that’s exactly what we did.
It was my final goodbye to him, since I couldn’t wake him up right when he had fallen asleep and I had left. For good.