Part 1 - Shut Me Down (NC-17)
Love is an emotional roller coaster and the people are the ascendants. Some don’t enjoy the ride and get off, while others keep on coming back for more rounds, never getting over the feeling of adrenaline and anticipation. I was never one to back down from a challenge, to prove myself wrong and prove I could overcome the inevitable.
I could only hope and pray, to whatever God that was attentive enough, that Eleanor had gained that trait.
I kept breathing with each step, catching up with my own breaths and running my free hand through my hair while my other was bonded with Eleanor’s. We did take time to recover, sitting by the sycamore tree and laughing at what we had just done, stealing kisses from one another. But even having this small contact with her, hand to hand and arm to arm, was enough to make my heartbeat accelerate beyond my control. And I was sort of kicking myself in the head at this point for not having enough control.
This didn’t mean I had regret what happened under that tree. Not one bit.
We got to my car, and I popped open the trunk, fishing through my duffle bag, “Give me a sec.”
She waited, gazing to the land surrounding us and sighing, “I haven’t seen a place this beautiful in a long time.”
“It is pretty spectacular,” I agreed, finding the portfolio and pulling it out of the bag, “I’ve been meaning to come here, but the opportunity never presented itself.”
On the word ‘presented’ is when I offered the portfolio to her. Eleanor froze up, glancing down between us and back up to my eyes. She hadn’t forgotten.
“I’m not saying you have to take it back,” I immediately said, “But I did add some photos that I thought you’d maybe like to look at.”
She smiled widely, took the portfolio, and sat at the edge of the open trunk, opening the front flab and tracing her fingertips lightly over the engraved gold letters on the inside.
Before anything, she glanced at the three oldest photos of the bunch. Her eyes were unreadable, questionable, and made my heart leap into my throat. I was anxious to know her reaction on the next photos. Photos that represented what reminded me of her and our relationship.
I couldn’t place an exact date on when I took these photos, printed them out, and placed them neatly inside the plastic pages of the portfolio, but I could say it’s when I had a beacon of hope, somewhere, that Eleanor would be mine again. I always expected us to just find each other again, but I never thought it’d actually happen. It was only a false hope that I clung onto for the longest, until my unfulfilled hopes and desires screamed louder than my determination.
The first photo was of stacks of Samuel Adams Summer Ale beer cases. The second photo was of droplets of water cascading down a glass door of a shower, revealing two bodies intimately touching each other in the mist of the steam. After that was a red plaid blanket with tons of food decked out on top of it; strawberries, melted chocolate, bananas, walnuts, orange juice, sandwiches, and just about any picnic food you could think of. The last two photos were the most blunt of them all; a bitten apple on top of a teacher’s desk, and a suit and tie worn on a faceless body.
“Okay,” She let out, gazing up at me with those puddles of hazel and a thoughtful grin, “I know what the obvious symbols represent, but why all the food?”
“Well, every time we’re together, we always end up eating a lot.”
“But all of this is healthy food, and last time I checked, we don’t eat healthy.”
I laughed and threw up my hands in defeat sarcastically, “It was the only picture of a picnic I could find that was good quality, okay?”
She closed the folder and put it down in the trunk, just to get up and wrap her arms around me, pulling in my body for a hug. When I entrapped her waist with my arms and rocked her back and forth with the balls of my feet, I had caught a huge wave of her scent entering my nostrils and staying there, ringing with familiarity. I sighed into her hair in response.
“Thank you,” She said, pulling away and kissing my lips, “Thank you, so much.”
“It’s no problem,” I said, kissing her again and smiling against her soft flesh, “Do I have to add more to get my point across?”
“No, but you do have to return it to its rightful owner.”
“To her apartment,” She smirked and giggled, rubbing her hands along the stubble on my cheeks. I knew the look she was giving me. I knew it too well.
I felt my throat swallow down a lump I wasn’t aware that had formed, “You just never get tired, do you?”
“Not a chance.”
Driving with Eleanor in the car had never been a more difficult task until that moment. With her handing me directions through downtown to her apartment and letting me know Kara had her car for the night because Kara was getting hers fixed, I could barely interpret any of that. Her hand kept caressing my thigh, and she would smile and giggle every time my breath would hitch or if I shifted weirdly. Getting these reactions out of her was common, but for me, they were rare. I bet any of my past partners would pay to see the show.
With minutes passing of me trying not to drive over the speed limit and getting pulled over – because cops actually do lurk the night of Indianapolis sometimes, especially in the summer – we made it safely into the garage of her apartment and raced for the elevators with the portfolio in her hand.
I saw the numbers rise; 2, 3, 4, and then finally settling on 5. And after my fixation on that was gone, it was now placed on something else; Eleanor dragging me out of the elevator and pinning me against the wall, attacking my lips with hers and moaning into my mouth.
My fingers easily threaded through her hair, brought her face closer to mine as our tongues met each other once again. No matter how close we were, no matter how many groans she caused to come out of my throat, it was never enough. My undying hunger was always needy for her, and it was never brought to attention until I had just a drop of the intoxication she always fed me, drop by drop.
I turned my head, letting her lips trail down my jaw and neck, and broke away while chuckling, “Come on, Tiger. Don’t want to be too giving and give anyone a show for free.”
We approached her door labeled 520B. She fumbled in her jean pocket for her keys and opened the door, revealing the long hallway that led to her living room. We took our shoes off, and I took off my jacket, and then she laced our fingers back together, leading me through the new environment.
Walking into the apartment, you can tell Kara hasn’t and will never walk out of Eleanor’s life. Half the apartment is decorated in zebra print, with the right touch of purple in some places, while the other half is a classic black and white theme. Both styles are able to complement each other. I grinned at the thought that this friendship could perhaps be everlasting.
Our grip never loosened once; it only tightened with each step we took in unison, preventing us from disintegrating out of thin air. She made me put the sock on the door, a warning for Kara when she comes home from her night of adventure. I snorted, unable to contain my amusement, but Eleanor shut me up once I closed the door shut, with the toss of her portfolio on her desk and her most proven liable weapon; her lips.
The act of kissing made me feel like I was revisiting high school, when that was one of the few special things to do with your significant other. With Eleanor, we were sharing much more than I could offer her and much more than she could feed me, the act of kissing defining all of that. Yet, it was never enough to satisfy us. And the only way to do that was by continuing.
With caressed touches but needy desires, our clothes flew off quickly, hitting the hardwood floor with a thud each time. But even with our in sync movements, almost as if we were in a dance, nothing compared to the moment when we were completely bare and touching, lying in bed and kissing, feeling each other’s bodies for something to grab and hold and feel for a life time of the most innocent pleasure.
“I love you so much,” I said against her neck after I nibbled on it.
She strengthened her grip on my scalp and ran a hand down my back, “I love you even more.”
“You want to know what I love?”
She raised her eyebrows, silently questioning me. I balanced myself on my hands and began kissing everything. First, her lips, for as long as I could without losing too much oxygen. Then, both of her cheeks and nose. With each kiss, I muttered the word “this”. My lips started finding other places to land; the patch of flesh below her ears, her neck, her collarbone, her nipples, the valley between her breasts, and the trail down her stomach.
She giggled and whimpered and moaned and sighed, all mixing into one beautiful combination that was a pleasant melody to my ears.
I laid my right cheek on her smooth stomach, sighing quietly and saying, “But most of all, I just love you.”
Her eyes were starting to get droopy, hanging more shut with each passing second. She hummed, more like a sigh, softly, and it grew quieter in pitch progressively. But I was wide awake. How could I sleep when the love of my life was right beneath me and all she did was ignite the flame flickering in my stomach?
To be honest, I was a bit nervous that within a blink of an eye, like last time, she was still capable of leaving me. I never wanted to experience that again.
Everything was almost too good to be true.
I adjusted my cheek on her stomach, nuzzling in closer as her fingers intricately played with the ends of my hair. She giggled furiously, “Don’t do that!”
“Huh. How did I not know that little trick?”
I kept nuzzling my cheek filled with stubble on her soft flesh. The giggling might have been annoying to some people, but it was beautiful to me, almost elegant.
“Josh!” Eleanor yelled out, “Stop!”
Now, she was laughing hysterically and pulling my head off of her stomach with the ends of my hair. We stared at each other and smiled as we caught our breath.
“You’re so beautiful,” I said, returning my head down lower and kissing her aching clit.
“Josh,” She whispered, almost inaudible.
I flicked my tongue along her damp folds, “Josh what?”
“Josh please,” She whined, bringing her hips up to my face.
I smiled, going down on her and feeling her hips rise as her back arches.
The sound escaping my throat, a crossover between a moan and a scream, couldn’t be contained. Nothing had changed about her physically, really. I noticed different details that maybe didn’t stand out to me as much before, but really, she was the same. The only difference was her hair color. Even her taste was the same.
My taste buds thumped with the flavor I’d been longing for, swallowing and licking again for more of the fluid. She happily ground in my face, her body wracking already with the moans escaping her full lips that I always caused. I grinned against her folds at the knowledge behind the thought.
She was still sensitive from stimulation in our activity prior, but more than welcomed each of my actions. I pinned her hip down with my right hand while my left arm wrapped behind her thigh, letting her leg rest on my shoulder. I sucked on her clit. Slurping and swirling my tongue around the swollen bud and waiting for her reactions.
More of her wetness kept escaping, so I traveled my tongue down, agonizingly slow. When my tongue reached its destination, it swirled around her entrance, entering her deeper while nuzzling her clit with the tip of my nose and evoking more pants and outbursts.
“Josh,” She moaned, threading her fingers through my hair and pulling me deeper into her folds, “Don’t stop.”
And then, I challenged her command.
I groaned as I retrieved my mouth, looking up at her wickedly as I smirked and licked around my lips.
Her eyes grew wide in question and in angst, but were quickly replaced with the lust that occupied them previously as I slid two fingers into her. Not giving her time to get used to my hand, I curved my fingers and rubbed against her most sensitive wall. Her back arched even more, her pussy pushing against my hand to enter her deeper.
“Fuck!” She screamed out, looking down at me as she held onto the headboard behind her head.
I smirked against her, sucking on her clit harder than before and entering my fingers faster, harder, and deeper into her. Her slick arousal bounced off the walls and flooded my ears. I couldn’t help but groan at her trembling form. The pleasure overtaking her body and stealing her away to her own nirvana was simply beautiful and sexy in the deadliest form taken.
“Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, please don’t fucking stop, fuck stop.”
The chant kept tumbling off the walls, crawling up under the sheets, entering my ears, and ringing around my brain. The chant was motivating and possibly the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. I wanted to keep hearing it, which is why I never slowed down the movements of my hand pounding into her and my mouth holding her nub captive.
After one more swirl and tiny push of my tongue, I removed my mouth completely and replaced my tongue with my thumb. Pressing gently against her cushion and drawing lazy circles as my fingers moved in and out so fast that my wrist started to cramp up.
But I didn’t care. Not at all. Her pleasure was my pleasure. Her orgasm was practically my own orgasm, and like her, I was climbing the brick walls, feeling the tension build up, and waiting for the big release that only pure bliss could bring.
“Josh,” She moaned out, sounding desperate, “You’re going to make me come.”
“Then come,” I said breathlessly, “Come all over my fingers.”
With just the words stated in a heap of breath, and with the action of her fondling and squeezing her own breast, it was enough to unravel every string of her arousal tied in knots. They all went loose and sprung free, along with the waves crashing down, one by one.
Her body shuddered with each moan she released. Her back curved and her body rolled, digging her folds deeper against my hand. With a few spasms, her head came forward, but dug hard in the pillow afterwards. Releasing her screams and shutting her eyes tight, willing all the pleasure to stay and ride her out as she rode out my fingers.
“Josh, baby,” She said softly, breathing in and out and pushing my hand away.
Reluctantly, I retrieved my hand, but saw my two fingers and knuckles and other parts of my hand coated in her arousal. I chuckled and tasted some after I lapped up her climax on my tongue from her folds, groaning and letting my eyes roll in the back of my head. It wasn’t until I opened them again that I saw her watching me. Her hazel eyes were a dark forest green, welcoming me and my hand. I already knew that’s what she wanted.
As soon as I hovered over her, she gripped my wrist and brought my hand to her face. Immediately, she licked what was left of her climax and grinned the best she could with my fingers in her mouth. She looked so damn sexy doing this, licking herself and not fearing to admit that it tasted as amazing as I knew it did.
We exchanged kisses, leading me to lie on my side but facing her completely. Holding her face in my hands and not letting her break away.
She bit my bottom lip and pulled away. I groaned and smirked, reconnecting our lips once more. She sighed against my own, touching them softly with her cold fingertips and said, “I love you, Josh.”
I brushed her bangs away and tucked her hair behind her ear. My thumb caressed the skin just underneath her eye, studying her softly and assessing the accuracy of her statement. She was telling the truth. Fully and without hesitation.
“I love you, too.”
After a dreamless sleep, I roused up to the touch of her thumb. While I’m still in the position of cuddling her, her thumb ran its smooth course over the back of my palm. Over and over again it did this with no sense of direction. The corner of my lips turned up on reaction; I could fall back asleep with the feeling of her smooth palm lulling me.
“Kara made breakfast.”
“Does she serve it in bed?”
She giggled lightly, still sounding sleepy, “Unfortunately, we don’t have that luxury.”
I groaned in protest, but she swung her legs over the side of the bed already. Before she could stand up, I grabbed her hand and pulled her down, pressing my lips to hers.
She smiled and moaned, reluctantly pulling away, “Come on. She actually makes good food. We’ll have time for this later.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
We started getting dressed, and I couldn’t help but take peaks at her during. She puts on a baggy black shirt and hot pink spandex shorts, and I couldn’t help but admire how beautiful she looked even with clothing on. All of her features complimented her so effortlessly.
I settled for my shirt and briefs and walked out of the room with her holding my hand. She led me to the kitchen and sat me on a chair by the table while she sat in my lap. I gestured for her to get off, not wanting to make Kara feel uncomfortable, but she refused, so I laid my left hand gently on her thigh while my right was on the table. That’s when I got my first glimpse of Kara in a year in a half, when she turned around and served us our plates of scrambled eggs, breakfast sausages, pancakes with syrup, and utensils.
“Morning, sexuals,” Kara greeted, sitting across from us with her own plate of food and winking, “Bet last night was rough.”
I snorted and Eleanor rolled her eyes. Kara was still blunt as can be, and also gorgeous. She had the same amber colored hair, same golden skin, and same light brown eyes. It was a wonder how she could stay single for so long.
“How was last night?” Eleanor asked Kara, after chewing a bite of scrambled eggs.
“Blissfully amazing,” She said, letting her eyes roll back and a mischievous smile swipe across her lips, “We hardly noticed the sock on your door.”
“Wait,” I intercepted, biting into a breakfast sausage link, “Who’s ‘we’?”
“How rude of you to ask such a question - invading my privacy in my own home - and not even offering a good morning to me first.”
“Good morning princess,” I said, smiling and tilting my head, “Now answer my question.”
“How courteous of you,” She said, giggling and rolling her eyes, “’We’ is Trace and I.”
“Hmm,” I pondered, “That’s a weird name for a guy.”
Eleanor and Kara exchanged a glance, and burst out in laughter, letting their heads fall back and the mocking laughs escape.
“What?!” I asked, genuinely confused and annoyed.
“Josh,” Eleanor said, cradling my cheek with her right hand, “Trace is a girl.”
I felt my eyebrows knit together and my lips pucker for a moment, and then it hit me like burning, sizzling coals.
I laughed with them, pinching the bridge of my nose and shaking my head, “Sorry Kara, I didn’t know you were…”
“Oh no! It’s completely fine. I’m sort of used to it.”
“Wait, but I thought you were into guys?”
“Well you see,” Kara drawled on, picking at her scrambled eggs, “I play on both teams.”
“I know!” Eleanor inquired, turning to me with her eyebrows raised, “It came as a surprise to me too when she finally admitted it. She played it off well, but I’m glad Kara told me.”
“Me too,” Kara said with a smile, “It feels good to not keep it in after so long.”
“Well, know that I don’t judge one bit,” I said, finishing half a pancake, “As long as you’re genuinely happy, then that’s all that matters.”
“Why thank you, Professor. It’s always nice to receive your approval,” After I chuckled and rolled my eyes (she got a kick out of calling me ‘Professor’, as I remember from previous encounters), she shook her head and grinned, “It really is nice.”
We ate the rest of our breakfast in conversation, laughing and catching up like old times. Eleanor was buzzing with energy, smiling frequently, and always finding something to say. She was still pretty laid back, but she talked more than I was used to. Nonetheless, by the end of breakfast, I couldn’t find the will to get the rest of my things and leave.
Not only did I miss Eleanor so much, but I also missed Kara, and all the other things Eleanor introduced me to in her life. I didn’t just lose her in the process.
But now I had her, and I planned on keeping it that way at all costs.